BoB title slide

I had the opportunity to speak with the Student Affairs Staff at Longwood University this week about Men and Masculinity. It was a great opportunity to share some of the work I have been doing in my role as the “Dean of Spider Men.” If you would like a sense of what I talked about, go ahead and download the PDF of the slide deck.




One of my favorite topics to talk about is the idea of Work/Life Integration. Most people call this “balance”, which is really the wrong metaphor for how you should view your work and non-work selves. Balance is static…it doesn’t move you forward and the only alternative to being “in” balance is being out of balance…if you’re like this guy, being out of balance is a bad thing…

For the most part Work/Life Integration, or WLI, is a personal action. The life you lead is yours, and the choices you make on how you are going to live it is within your control. However, a big part of the WLI equation for most of us is WORK. I contend that you have the ability – and responsibility – to foster an organizational culture that promotes the effective integration of work and life for all members of your organization. You do not need to be a leader to lead change!

I’ve put together a handout that is the companion to the presentation I’ve developed on Work/Life Integration. Feel free to download it, and if you’d like me to talk with your group about how to create a WLI culture in your organization.

Download the NotAboutBalance handout.

Okay, if you have not yet seen Simon Sinek’s TED talk on Start with Why, go ahead and see the clip…it is worth it.

my_why_bluprintMy personal mission – live authentically, live intentionally, live passionately – is something I’ve had for quite a few years now. It is part of me, and it describes my aspirational self…I don’t always hit the mark, but I work each day to do so. However, as I have been reflecting on it, I’ve come to realize that as sound as that mission is, as much as it is who I want to be, I had never truly articulated my Why. It has always been there, but I have never been brave enough to put it “out there” publicly. I have also never gone the other way and articulated publicly how I believe I live my mission. So the task before me was to do just that. Read the rest of this entry »

Not long ago, I had the opportunity to hear a speech by Jo Ellen Parker, the President of Sweet Briar College, which covered a wide array of topics related to the presidency of a college or university. I was recently reviewing my notes from that speech and a phrase I wrote down caught my eye. Dr. Parker said, “You shouldn’t want to be a president. You should want to do the work of the president.”


My mind immediately went to Billy Crystal’s famous characterization of Fernando Lamaz on Saturday Night Live during the 1980’s. The Fernando skits, as you may recall, always had a variation of the tagline, “it’s better to look good than to feel (or be) good…and you look mahvelous!”

I think there may be a connection here…otherwise, why would I be writing this? Dr. Parker’s point was (I believe) that you should take stock of why you may be interested in doing a particular thing…is it for the trappings or perks of the job, or is it because the day-to-day, roll-up-your-sleeves nature of the job appeals to you? It goes to your “Why”, and if you are living authentically the reason you’re doing a particular job is in alignment with your personal “Why” (clearly, I need to write a little on Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” and authentic leadership…but that’s for another day).

So there is a little bit of a being/doing continuum at work here. I think it is okay to want to be the job…as long as you recognize that being the job very much involves the not so glamorous doing the job.